Fighting Fair

Hello, and welcome to the Salt Church Podcast. Thank you for tuning in to this week's message. Join us as we explore God's Word providing practical teaching for day-to-day living. The message you are about to hear was recorded live at our Sunday morning worship experience. If you would like to learn more about Salt Church, please visit us at saltchurch.

org. We hope that you are encouraged by today's message. Today, we're talking about conflict. We're talking about fighting fair. So let's talk about that a little bit today, okay?

Are y'all ready? You got your gloves out? You know why you need your gloves out? Because at some point in your marriage you're going to fight, right? So it's important to know how to fight.

Our theme verse today, as we've been mentioning every week, is the Song of Solomon. We're going through the Song of Solomon, and the Song of Solomon 1, chapter 1, verse 2. Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is more delightful than wine. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfume. Your name is like perfume poured out.

No wonder the young women love you. What is she saying here to King Solomon when she talks about him? She's saying, you have a name about you. You love people well. When I look at you, I'm attracted not just to what you look like.

I'm attracted to who you are because you know how to love people. And it's kind of interesting at the end of that, she says, no wonder the maidens love you. For some of you, it's like, I don't want the maidens to love you. And that's actually what she's saying. She says, I'm going to push them out.

I'm going to look at my man. You're not going to touch my man. This is mine, right? All right? And that's what she's saying there.

So we've been going through these different topics. The first week we hit on attraction. We talked about the right kind of attraction, that it's not just skin deep. It's much deeper, the type of attraction that God has for us and we have for each other. It needs to go further than that.

The next week we talked about growing through seasons before we enter into a marriage commitment. There's seasons, there's preparation, there's infatuation. There's these seasons we go through that we have to recognize and we have to work through. When we recognize them for what they are, we're able to navigate them well so that we can have the best marriage in the future. And that was for mostly dating people that day.

Obviously, you see those seasons happen in married relationships as well. And then last week we talked about the honeymoon night, right? We talked about passion. We talked about sex. We talked about all the good stuff, the physical stuff, the intimacy that is involved and how important that is to God that he desires us to enjoy it but to do it the right way.

And his way is best, amen? And we learned that. So, now we're walking into these seasons once again. In the marriage relationship, when we come into marriage, there's seasons even as there were in dating seasons. And the first season that we enter into when we are married is called the honeymoon.

Now, everybody's familiar with honeymoon, the honeymoon period, right? The honeymoon period literally means the month of sweetness. And it lasts just about a month, right? And then you get home and then things settle down. You go back to your jobs.

You're learning how to live together. And then you go into a season of disillusionment. That season is where you start figuring out who that person is and you learn either how to appreciate them for who they are or you're repulsed by who they are and you're learning about each other. And a lot of you are there even 10, 15, 20 years in marriage because 70% of marriages actually stop in this area. The season of disillusionment.

They sit in this area trying to figure out who this person is and how to navigate those things and what that means. So we're in that period of disillusionment. And what we want to get to, we want to get past that season, and this is the season everybody wants to be that, and that's the season of commitment. We want to be in the season of commitment. So there's three seasons.

The honeymoon season, the season of disillusionment, and the season of commitment. Do we have that on the screen there, George, for them to kind of write that down if they need to do that? I think we're behind on our notes here a little bit. But the season of commitment. So everybody has fights.

What's that? There we go. Honeymoon. No moneymoon? Okay.

Typo. My wife actually edits all my notes, so I'm going to blame her on this one. Okay? No, she's not perfect, but she is really good. If you ever need an editor, she's perfect for the job.

I can tell you that. She's pretty solid. Yeah. That didn't work. Randy?

Okay. That's why we're learning how to fight fair today, okay? And that was not fair. So all couples do fight, and we're probably going to have a fight after Randy goes and tells my wife what I said today. But you can either fight clean or you can fight dirty.

You can fight to resolve conflict, or you can fight to win the conflict. There's healthy ways to fight, and there's not so healthy ways to fight. Amen? And throughout four chapters in the Song of Solomon, we see the Shulamite woman and the lover in this passionate love affair, and they can't keep their hands off of each other. Through all of it, we see that happening, and then we enter into chapter five, and a fight takes place.

They have their first fight. They're entering into that disillusionment stage where they're fighting. And here's what she says if we go to chapter five, verse two. It says, I slept, but my heart was awake. Listen, my beloved is knocking.

And then he says this, open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. What's on his mind? Okay. He's come back from a night out with the boys. He's coming in late, and he said, my head is drenched with dew and my hair with the dampness of the night.

So he's been out that night. He's been doing his thing, and I'm sure she probably told, go hang out with the boys. Go do your thing. You know, it's okay. And then he comes back that evening, probably really late, and she's been waiting for her.

And she gives him a response that he probably didn't expect because the first four chapters, there was a good response. But now there's a different type of response. Now, let me go back to what the responses were before this event. Whenever he mentioned something like he did, calling her his dove, his love, his this and that. Week one, she responded, strengthen me with raisins.

His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. So his raisins were aphrodisiac. She was like, come to me, my love. Oh, I just love to hear. She responded in a loving way, in a passionate way.

Week two, it says, until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, and be like a gazelle and like a young stag on the rugged hills. So she's like saying things as, oh, let's go, you know? And then week three, she says, blow on my garden. Let my beloved come into my garden and taste its choice fruits. She calls him a stag.

She says, he's my beloved one. She says, you know, come to my room until the evening. We're going to be together. We're going to make love together. We're going to be together.

We're going to be together. And using those same words that he used from the very beginning, she responds in this next sentence in chapter 5, verse 3. Here's what she says. After he says, Oh, my love, my beloved, I'm here for you. I have taken off my robe.

Must I do that again? I have washed my feet. Must I soil them again? So she's mad. In Hebrew, that means I have a headache.

He wants loving, and she's tired. So the first conflict takes place in this scripture, in this book, in this poem. We see the first conflict take place between this couple. Today, I want to talk about two root causes of conflict. The first root cause of conflict is unmet expectations.

She expects him to come in. He didn't show up. She probably, again, she probably sent him out on his way. You know, hey, why don't you enjoy the night? That's what we do when we're first married.

You know, there's these expectations we bring into the marriage. Oh, yeah, just go out and hang out with your buds, hang out with your friends. It's okay. Okay? But she's sitting at home in front of the TV, and This Is Us is getting ready to come on, right?

And she's expecting him to be home so they can have a cry fest and cuddle together a little bit. And he doesn't show up. He's out playing top golf with the guys, you know, and having a good time. And here he shows up, and he's ready to go, you know, have some loving tonight. And she's like, are you kidding me?

I've been waiting all night, all night for you. It's 2 o'clock in the morning, and you're not here yet. Unmet expectations she had of him. He had some unmet expectations of her. In the relationship, one might think, I thought that my husband would be more of a caretaker.

I thought he would take care of the bills, or he would take out the trash more, right? Or he would clean up a little more, you know, and then you look at your father, and my father did that. I expect my husband to do that. Or on the other side of the house, I thought my wife would cook for me more, you know? I thought when I got sick that my wife would be there to take care of me.

And that's a personal piece right there for me, you know? Like, my mother was very, she was a nurse. She would take care of me if I ever got sick. She would wait on me hand and foot and check on me every once in a while. The first time I got sick in my marriage, Miranda was like, stay in there, lock the door, you're okay.

Let me know if you need anything, right? I'm like, okay. I expected you to be this, and that was not her. And we come into marriage with these unmet expectations. I thought Miranda would be more adventurous and outdoorsy.

And she thought I would like to stay up late and watch movies, and I fall asleep in the first 10 minutes of the movie after 9 o'clock, you know? And there are things in our dating relationship that you will unintentionally lead the other to believe about yourself. It's unintentional, but you're in that season of infatuation, right? So, oh, we like the same things, we do the same things, but you really don't. And when you come into the marriage relationship, and you already have that other person, you start opening up about what you don't like about that other person, right?

And we have these expectations. And then one day we wake up, and we feel distant, and you are not much more than roommates. And you thought that it would be much more, these unmet expectations would be fulfilled. You thought it would be much more than this. And so many people come into marriage, and they're excited, and they're in that honeymoon phase.

And then when it gets to the next phase of their marriage, they start to realize, oh, this isn't everything I thought it was because of those unmet expectations. The second thing that is a root cause of marriages having conflict issues is self-centeredness. Self-centeredness is probably the biggest. He comes in, Solomon comes in, and what does he want? He wants some action.

He wants some love. She says, I have taken my robe off. I don't want any right now. I want you just to leave me alone. I'm mad at you.

Neither one of them are thinking about the other person. They're thinking about themselves. They're coming into this argument of thinking about themselves. I want this, and I want that. One person in the relationship may want to talk a lot, you know, like when you get home after a busy day, and then the other, usually a guy, wants to veg out in front of the TV for a little while because they're tired of hearing about the things of the day.

Except because we're selfish, right? One wants to be physical. The other one wants to be affectionate. One might, the lady might be like, you know, buys another purse, and the man's like, oh my gosh, you already have five purses. Why do you need another purse, right?

And then she responds, well, you have the latest phone. You just got a phone a month ago, and now you're updating your phone again. I mean, you're always doing that, and you're not even thinking about the other person. And we simply want to be roommates with benefits. That's what it really comes down to.

Working through that self-centeredness is a really hard thing because we love the thought of being married. We love the thought of the rings. We love the thought of all the little things like that. But when it comes to, I want to give up myself for that other person, it's a really hard thing for us to break through. We don't share.

We don't want the other to be involved in all of our affairs. And one thing, if I could just pause for a second and mention this. And I was at a small group the other night, and I mentioned this, and I actually convicted somebody in the group, okay? So I want that person to know that this isn't because I already had this plan for the message, okay? Okay, this isn't pinpointing you out.

But it's obvious that this happens a lot, and that's with finances. People come into marriages, and they're like, we're still going to have separate bank accounts, and we're still going to pay separate bills, and we're going to split the rent, and we're going to split. And that's just a bad way to start our marriages because we are one. Two people come together and become one, right? When a man leaves his parents and connects with his wife, they become one flesh.

And that means in every area of living. Finances are a huge deal, and I just cannot believe the amount. I've had several conversations just in the last few months with people who I actually have refused to marry people at times when they're living like that because it isn't just finances. Finances is, and I'm not trying to be legalistic about this, but it really goes deeper because when you have separate bank accounts, then you're saying, I want to live separately. I want to be married, but I don't want to be married.

I don't trust my partner. And you need to trust your partner not only in things like that, finances and purchases and all those things in life. It comes down to a spiritual thing, that we are one flesh. We make decisions together. We partner together.

And we always use in our fights these always and never statements, right? Like, you always do this. You never do that. You always do this, and you never do that. And that seems to be a big part of our language when we're having conflicts with other people.

And let me just pause here and say this. If you're dating and you're fighting all the time because you're still... In the season of infatuation, and you're dating all the time, I mean you're fighting all the time, you're dating but you're fighting all the time, it might not be wise to enter into a covenant relationship with that person. You might want to think twice about that, because you haven't even gotten to the season of marriage yet. And if we get married, that people say if we get married it will get better, it will be better, it won't be better, it gets harder.

So, consider those things, think about the biggest root issue in your heart, in your relationships. I think you need to stop for a second and think about that. You know, what are the things in my relationship that are the root causes of the conflict we have, and how do we go from there? Unmet expectations and self-centeredness are some of the root causes of conflict. And then we go to verse 3, and she doesn't want anything to do with him, right?

So, and then verse 4, she changes her mind. Now this is kind of odd. She just changes her mind all of a sudden. I heard one pastor say, you know, when I was reading this, and it transitioned to her changing her mind real quick. She runs, it says in verse 4, my beloved thrust her hand through the latch door, thrust his hand through that latch door opening, and my heart began to pound for him.

And she started pounding, like she's angry one second, and then her heart starts to be drawn for him. And he was talking about that, and he says, man, I called up the greatest commentators. I called, I talked to these academics, these Bible academics, to see, you know, what does this mean? I'm so puzzled by this. What happened?

You know, I talked, he says, I prayed about it, to ask God, you know, for some kind of wisdom as to what this meant. And then he had a thought. He says, you know what, I'll ask the women on my staff. So he brought the women in, and he said, what happened here? What really happened here?

You know, one minute, she's like, go away, I hate you, get out of my face. And the next minute, her heart is pounding. And they all look at him and says, duh, she changed her mind. She just changed her mind. He's like, oh, okay.

She changed her mind. That simple. All this confusion, right? And she changed her mind. So my heart began to pound for him.

And then she says, I arose to open for my beloved. And my hands dripped with myrrh, and my fingers were with flowing myrrh on the handles of the bolts. And I opened for my beloved, but my beloved had left. He was gone. And my heart sank as his departure, at his departure.

And I looked for him, but I did not find him. And I called for him, but he did not answer. Now, liquid myrrh was a pleasant fragrance. It was a romantic fragrance. And what he did is he covered the knob.

He didn't force himself on her. And he walks away not to offend her. But she changes her mind. She runs to the door. She opens the door and finds that he's not there.

So what does she do? She goes looking for him. In verse 7, it says, The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. And this next part gets a bit serious. Because they beat her.

They bruised her. She says, They beat me. They bruised me. And they took away my cloak, those watchmen of the walls. So she goes out looking for them.

And she runs into these watchmen of the night. Now, I don't know the context of this necessarily, what was going on. Perhaps they were high security, maybe over the king. Or there was something going on in the area. And whatever they had to do, they had to take her and take her hostage.

But whatever happened, something physical and something happened that wasn't pleasant. In fact, something sinister happened. And that's a fine example of how something very small, like a little argument, can turn into something very damaging. Something significantly small can turn into something significantly damaging. And we can carry that.

We can hurt somebody. An example of that would be, maybe you argue about being late. She's late all the time. He's waiting for her. Vice versa.

And that argument starts, right? Well, you're late all the time. Well, I've got this going on. And you never do this. And you never do that.

And then it ends up going into a whole other place at a whole other level. And we take it to places we should never take it. Maybe you're buying something in secret and you're not sharing that with your spouse. Maybe you don't apologize. Maybe you're the person that just never apologizes in the relationship and the other one does.

And you never do anything wrong. Maybe you don't call when you're away. You know, maybe you're out and you forget to call your husband or you call your wife. And that may be a big deal to them. Or you walk out the door without telling them goodbye.

You know, maybe that is something simple as that might be a big deal to them. That actually happened to me the other day. I get really busy in the morning getting the kids. I take Savannah to school every day and we're getting our stuff together. Miranda's getting ready to start her day.

She runs Max out to the bus as I'm getting Savannah ready. We get them in the car and sometimes I walk right out the door and get into the car and head down the road. And the other morning, I didn't see Miranda. Miranda was there. I just kind of walked through and I hopped in the car because I have a mission.

I've got to get her here so that I can be here on time and I can do this on time because that's how my day set up. And then God convicted me and I said, you know, you didn't say goodbye to your wife. You didn't kiss your wife goodbye. So I called her up and I say, well, this might not be a big deal to you, Miranda, but I didn't say goodbye to you. So I just wanted to say goodbye.

And she told me, actually, I do care when you don't say goodbye to me. And I'm so glad you called me to tell me goodbye. And I would have never known that. I would have never known that bothered her. And what happens if we don't confront things, if we don't work out things, if we don't look at those little unchecked things, something sinister can come in, in its place.

And it can build to something very damaging. Because here's the thing. You and your wife are not on different sides. You are on the same side. You are a team.

You deal with conflict together. When things come into your marriage, you work those things out. They are not your enemy. Your battle is not against flesh and blood, but the powers and principalities and things in dark places, right? That's where the enemy is.

And the enemy loves to creep into those small arguments and blow them up into big things. And if things go unchecked, like Solomon leaving his wife at the door, things can creep in and cause very damaging things. So you need to recognize and resolve conflict together. Recognize and resolve conflict together. Let me give you three things.

Let me give you three things that you can do practically to solve conflict. Number one, I will respond and not react. I will respond in the spirit and not react in the flesh. Paul says this to the Roman church. He says, do not overcome, do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

What we tend to do is we like to overcome evil with evil. I'm going to one up this person, right? If they give me evil, I'm going to give them evil back. And, and, and, and, and don't, and, and here's what I'm saying. I would say, when you're fighting, here's how you fight fair, when you're fighting, you don't hold something over the other person.

You don't bring up the past, you don't bring up situations, you don't, we have arsenal in our, in our, you know, holsters, I guess, if you want to say that. We've got these, these things that we can pull out on our spouses at any time because we know everything about our spouses, right? We know what they've done, where they've been, where they're going, in most cases because we know them so well, and we know their past so well, and all of us have things that we can hold over the other person. And when you're having arguments, you're, you need to, to keep them from going to places where you're bringing up the past and you're holding something over their head to keep them from, from having a healthy conversation about what the issue is. You know, I gave this up for you, or you weren't faithful to me, or whatever it might be.

You, you, you can't have a fair argument when you have these things in your life. Criticism never works. Negative, hard, negative criticism never works. It doesn't work anywhere else in life. Why do you think it would work in your marriage?

Think about this. When you go to work and, and say your boss is, is heavily criticizing you, and he's telling you, you don't do this well, you don't do that well, you need to fix this. You need to do this better. Do you leave work that day and go home and says, oh, I just love my job. It's wonderful.

My boss just cares about me so much. I feel like I want to do better. No, it doesn't work in that situation, and it doesn't work in marriage. But for some reason, we think if we can just blast the other person and one up the other person to the point where it becomes disastrous, then we can win, but we never win. We end up separating, going to other rooms, not talking for days, instead of having healthy conflicts together.

We solve problems. We don't win fights. We solve problems. Men, love your wives. Do not be harsh to them.

Be considerate. Treat them with respect as the heirs of the gracious gift of life that Christ has given you, these wonderful people that he's brought into your life. When you find a wife, you find a good thing. Treat her well. Ladies, respect your husbands.

Respect them. Honor them. And we are to submit to one another and work together. Don't try to change your spouse. We're always trying to change our spouse.

You can't change them. Pray for them. They may or may not change, but let God change you. Because when we pray for them, when we seek them in prayer, when we pray for them, God may not change them, but prayer always changes you. It will change you.

Let God do a work in us. Pray for your spouse. You can't change people. Amen? Secondly, I will focus on the good and not the bad.

I will focus on the good and not the bad. Proverbs 18.21 says this, the tongue has the power of life and death and those who love it will eat its fruit. The tongue is a powerful thing. If we speak negatively, it does negative things.

If we speak positively, it does positive things. Paul tells the Philippians church, the church of Philippi, whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, if anything is excellent, praiseworthy. Think about such things. So don't, don't fight evil with evil. Return evil with good.

Think about good things. Think about the good things. Return it with good things. Don't go to the bad things. Heard a story about Ruth Graham and Franklin, not Franklin, Billy Graham was out on crusades quite a bit.

He would be gone as much as seven months out of the year. And a reporter was asking her, you must be infuriated that you don't get to spend the time with your husband like you want to. I mean, he's gone all the time. I bet that really, really bothers you. And she said this, five months with Billy is better than 12 months with any other man on the earth.

Her response, she thinks good of him. She could have easily said, oh, he's on all the time. He's never here. I have to raise the kids by myself. He's busy with his ministry and stuff like that.

But instead of that, she thought of the good. I will focus on the good and not the bad. And then we go on in chapter five, verse 10 through 16. And I'm just going to paraphrase this because there's a lot of scripture there. I don't even think I put that in your notes, but you can go back and read it.

She starts to do that. Instead of focusing on, he left me, he's gone. Look what happened to me. She starts thinking about the good things about him. He talks about his wavy black hair, his head as pure as gold, his eyes, his cheeks, his lips, his arms were rods of gold, body like polished ivory.

I love when Miranda tells me that, you know, my body is like polished ivory. I mean, it just does something to me. And she's saying these wonderful things to him. So she's focusing on the good and not the bad. Here's what we do.

We trade 80% of the good in our spouse for 20% in what someone else has. And then we later come back and realize what we had, right? And we tend to do that. I'd rather focus on the 80% good that's in my other half than what I could have over here, the 20% of what I have over here. The grass is always greener.

Last week I said the grass is always greener, but you need to water the grass over here, okay? That's why it's not green, right? Think of the good and not the bad. He may not be driven, but maybe he's faithful. She may not be very encouraging, but she's a good wife.

She's a good mother. She takes care of the children. She's very thoughtful. She thinks of things. Think of the good and not the bad.

When you come into conflict, when you come into arguments, first turn on the things that are good. What do I love about this person? Number three, I will talk and not walk. I will talk and not walk. That's probably one of the biggest ones.

Because our tendency is to shut down, to walk away. I don't want to talk about this. I don't want the conflict. I don't want this happening right now. Well, I just will just have to, you know, divorce or separate.

I'm just going to walk away. I will talk and not walk. We need to make the decision that we are going to talk and not walk. If Solomon did something right, he didn't force himself on the situation. But if he did something wrong in this situation, he left without talking about what was going on.

You need to make some rules with your spouse. That when we come into conflicting moments, when we have to have conversations, set some ground rules that, and the first ground rule should be this. I'll never walk away. I won't just walk away. I'll stop.

I'll honor you. And we'll talk about this situation. In Ephesians 4, 26 and 27, it says, in your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Do not give the devil a foothold.

So what is he saying here? He's like, don't let your arguments go to bed, you know? Don't sleep on them. Settle them. Don't sleep.

A good ground rule is if you have an argument, even if it's late at night, maybe it's good to stop and talk about it rather than go to separate rooms or go to different sides of the bed, you know? You've all been there, I'm sure, where you're on the side of the bed, you're turned away from each other, and you're like, don't touch me, you know? Don't come over to my side of the bed. No, stay over there. No.

And in the relationship, it typically is, one person is a little bit. A little more quieter, and the other one's a grunner, you know? Like for me, I'm like very quiet, I just try not to say anything. I'm like, you know, I just sit there and think about, go into my thoughts. Miranda's over there.

And then she switches, I'm like, can we talk? And I'm like, oh no, here it goes. And there's been nights we haven't gone to bed till three or four o'clock in the morning because we've had talks about things. So let that be a ground rule for you. In fact, one commentator said, foothold can be translated as a guest room.

And if we allow the devil to have a foothold, we're basically allowing him to have a guest room in our home. And we don't want him in our home. So we establish those ground rules. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry to give the devil a foothold. We are going to talk and not walk.

And let me say this, divorce is never the vocabulary word we use in our fighting, okay? We never use the word divorce or separation or any of that. That's got to be something that Miranda and I, I used it once in our first year of marriage. Used it once. And it never is profitable.

I say, well, we might just, well, get divorced. We're not, you know, that's the first thing. We don't get along and this is not working and this and that. It should never be an option as you come together to talk about these things. And in chapter six, we see that the beloved and the lover began to praise each other again.

This is the beauty of it. When we come together, when we honor this, when we make ground rules, when we talk about our, how we're going to fight fair, we come together. And here's what she says to him. Turn your eyes from me. They overwhelm me.

Now, I really love it when Miranda says that to me. You know, she looks at, your eyes overwhelm me. So, it goes from good to not so good to way better. And then it says in verse 11, I went down, or chapter six, just kind of skipping ahead to chapter six, verse 11. I love how it says this.

And I went down to the grove of nut trees to look at the new growth in the valley to see if the vines had budded and the pomegranates were in bloom. It can get way better, way better. Let's pray. God, I know that you created relationships. And sometimes, sometimes we wonder why, Lord?

I mean, why did you make them this way? But it's so true that when we look at you, Jesus, we see the selflessness of God. God, how he was willing to give his son on the cross, regardless of who we are or who we were, and what we thought about you. It says, while we were yet sinners, you died for us. God, I know that you have something special for each marriage in this room, God.

God, but we're not going to pretend today that there are people here that are going through tremendous things, that it may be hard, but by the power of the Holy Spirit, it can be much, much better. And it takes two people, Lord, two people honoring you, coming together, two followers of Christ coming together and honoring you, walking in selflessness towards the cross, looking at each other and you in the middle. If there's a couple in here today with all heads bowed and all eyes closed, I just want to say, if that's you today, if you're struggling in your marriage and you want God to intervene, you want God to do something, why don't you just lift your hand? I just want to pray for you. Amen.

God wants to do something miraculous in your relationships. Let me just pray for you specifically today. God, I pray over these marriages. I pray over these relationships, Lord. I know you did not intend for them to come together so that they can divorce and separate, that they can end.

Nobody comes into a marriage thinking that it's going to be the end. But God, I pray in the power of the Holy Spirit that you would begin to heal them, that you would begin to do things in their hearts and lives, that you begin to change things even at this moment. That they would come into this relationship with the attitude, it is well worth it, Lord. It is well worth it. Anything is on the table, Lord, because this is a precious gift that you've given me, and I take on the challenge, Lord Jesus.

And today we start living, living in your spirit and working together to know that we are one flesh. And what God brings together, no one can separate. We say that today. What God brought together, we cannot separate. We're believing that today.

So, God, I pray for your healing over these relationships, over these marriages, Lord Jesus, over these, even those who are dating today, that they would begin to see even now what God has for them in the future. And that you would give them wisdom in their marriages and in their within. In that same spirit of prayer, maybe there's somebody here today, and you've walked into this place, and you've been distant from God for quite a while. And maybe you've sensed that God's drawing you, or something's drawing you back to Him. And maybe today's your day.

Maybe this is your time. With the rest of the church praying, I just want to ask this question. Because a great marriage can't begin without knowing Him. A great relationship can't begin without knowing who He is and His heart for you. That He loves you.

And He desires to give you life and life to the full. That you would no longer be in darkness, but be... If that's you today, if you would just quietly lift your hand and say, Pastor, I'm ready to give my... I'm ready to make things right with Jesus. Jesus, maybe you've walked away from Him a long time ago.

Maybe you once were walking with Him, but you've walked from Him. Is that you today? If you would make that decision today. Let me pray with you. If you would just raise your hand, say.

If you would pray this with me. Father, I admit that I've done it my way for a long time. But I believe that You are the Son of God. And that You placed Yourself on a cross and You died for my sins. So I give my life to You today.

I give my heart to You today. I give everything to You. I completely surrender to You today. Come into my life. I Kirin for you today.

Come into my life. Come into my heart and make me new. In Jesus name. Amen.